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My mother-in-law looks after my son at home while my wife and I work during the day. It is natural that my son should develop a dependency towards my mother-in-law. But every day when I go home I have to fight for his attention and love. He would cry the moment I lay my eyes on him. I cannot even hold him. He wants my mother-in-law. It is clear that there is a problem here, but my mother-in-law does nothing about it. She makes no real effort to corect the situation. She would tell him to hug me, but he only does so to obey her. She is just happy that she is getting the attention and having power over him. Once, when I took my son into my arms, I specifically told my mother-in-law not to interfere even when my son cries. Instead, she hovers over them, arm stretched. This makes my son even more hysterical.
My wife has no problems with my son, however.
My in-laws don't think much of me. They always treat me like an outsider. Though it is not blatant, I can always sense alienation, especially from my father-in-law, whom my mother-in-law look up to with complete adoration. Personally, I have become immune to their lack of respect for me (for whatever reason it is), but to see my mother-in-law taking control of my son is unbearable. My wife also has a brother whom my mother-in-law consider a true prince among men. My brother-in-law gets more attention from my son than me! I do so much, such as playing with him, giving him baths, putting him to sleep and buying him toys. But the moment my son sees my brother-in-law, he tears away from me and run to my brother-in-law (He hardly does anything besides plays with my son). The mother-in-law sees this with great affirmation. Is this normal? I suspect my in-laws are saying bad things about me to my son behind my back. Otherwise, why would he dislike me so much? Of course, I have no proof of this.
I smile at my son and he gets upset like I did something bad. He runs to my mother-in-law. Of course, my mother-in-law is very happy about this. She spoils him rotten, she holds him constantly and takes him to bed with her at night. Whenever my father-in-law or my brother-in-law interacts with my son, my mother-in-law does not interfere, even when my son cries. But when I play with my son and when he starts crying, my mother-in-law comes to the rescue! Right now, my son treats me like a complete stranger. He is so happy with my in-laws. What should I do? Am I being overly-sensitive? My son is one year and a half old. Will he get over this or should I take action now?
I am fighting with my wife over this. It is tearing us apart. My mother-in-law thinks it is very funny that my son cries around me. She is not concerned. Her reaction to all of this is, "he is only a baby." My wife agrees somewhat. Am I crazy then?
rick, 35 |
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John, 27
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I know it is hard to find the daycare but I believe you need a new provider. You must order your mother in law not to provide gifts to your son but most importantly your mother in law, your family maybe even your wife could be vebally stabbing you in the back when you are not around. Remember just because her mom raised your daughter does not give her supreme authority over your kid.
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Posted: 02.06.04 |
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A friend, 33
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Kill the fucking bitch
I have a mother in law that is exactly the same. Wish the fucking cunt would get run over by dump truck. Suggest you take yours on vacation to the grand canyon then push the whore over the edge.
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Posted: 12.27.03 |
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Guin, 58
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I don't disagree with anything Sam said, sounds right to me. I'd like to add: Each child is different, five in the same family will be five different individuals. Your child sounds as if he is well adjusted and friendly towards everyone he comes into contact with. Children have short attention spans and they are impulsive. I think when you child sees his uncle (your brother-in-law) and he runs to him...he isn't rejecting you he is just seeing someone new who he likes to play with and he hasn't reached the age where he can control his impulses so he runs to the uncle.
I have two sons. The oldest one would go to, or with, anyone. The younger son would only stay with me or my sister. My sister has two daughters, the older daughter would have hopped on a bus with a band of gypsies and never have missed us a bit! :) The younger daughter...just like my youngest son--she'd stay with me or my sister, nobody else. But as they got older they would interact with other people (friends and family members) much better. (They didn't stay attached to my sister and me so much.) Neither of them had much to do with their fathers until they got older---like three or four years old---then they got to hanging out more with the dads than they did the moms. They liked the fishing and camping trips the dads would take them on.:)
Feeling as you do about this situation you should try to find another babysitter so your child is not so much under the influence of this family. As for your wife, tell her to put herself in your place and try to understand your feelings about how your child acts toward you. (If your mother was babysitting him and he acted towards your wife the way he acts towards you she would understand more, I think.)
I think the thing that upsets you most is your mother-in-laws attitude towards you---her smug, self-satisfied attitude. (Which would piss anyone off.) As for inlaws---some of then think NOBODY is good enough for their child to marry and their sons and daughters-in-law have a life of misery with inlaws like that. When you get mixed up with a bunch of people like that the best thing you can do is put as much distance as possible between you and them. (Physical/emotional, or both.) I have a sister-in-law who sounds like a clone of your mother-in-law---I seriously considered beating the crap out of her on several occasions (the damned old bat) but instead of doing that I put DISTANCE between us---sixty miles distance and kept her out of my life that way. You just have to find a way to cope with that kind of person and that was my way of coping.
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Posted: 12.03.03 |
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Sam, 19
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Your inlaws are a bunch of smug bias people from wut it sounds like. And your wife doesn't seem to be bothered much either. The point is this... psychological studies show that children's developement from birth to age 7 is largely influenced by their family. After this stage they turn more towards friends and other sources. He needs to spend his young life becoming closer to you and having you as his father and male role model. You are his dad and that is your place and priviledge and if you are bothered by wut goes on then you are within your bounds to speak up. If you do not then it may become a long term problem, depending on how serious it is.
Tell your wife how important this is to you and that it DOES in fact matter. You need to communicate that this bothers you and you need your son to be closer and more caring towards his dad. You probably should let her see your point of view and ask her to help you change this before you worry about her family. Talking to her doesn't need to be a fight, just a discussion.
When you do deal with the inlaws they should know wut the problem is and your son should not spend as much alone time with them he does or not as much time with them period. This would mean that you would need another baby sitter most likely. Having time with your son without the inlaws around will also help, even more so to just have father/son time. I'm not sure wut else to say, other than facing it is the best thing. Keep talking with your wife as civily as possible without arguing and get that out of the way first. Hope this helps.
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Posted: 12.03.03 |
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